straight outta little compton (RI)

It's meet the parents weekend here in Rhode Island. I mean, I've met them before, but. Y'know. Seems to be going okay.

Rhode Island is a very nice state. I forget sometimes just how industrial and ugly Newark is. Last night we ate Indian food in a restaurant featuring both quality jazz and really inexcusably overweight belly dancers. The waitress complained that they were "too Western." And I think we all know what that means.

Nice detective work there, Travis. I don't remember anything about that mix... my best guess was that it was one of a series that I made to keep myself awake on late Wednesday nights at the Mast, but who knows. I've found a few of those since, and they're always a little strange. Litle aural snapshots of a day in some former life. I can't identify the mystery tracks, but I can assure you that the next to last artist is not "Corona" (?). I'm surprised that there's no Organized Konfusion or Lo-Fidelity Allstars on it, however--that would have been around the right time. That's all.

I had a dream last night that I was running a variety show featuring monkeys of various sizes. Except that we scheduled the show for a time when the monkeys were very sleepy, so they all decided to fling themselves into the audience instead of working. It was an unmitigated disaster.

"He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you done?"

anyway, this free new photo publishing/hosting they're offering on blogger now is really extra great. you should all try it.

summer seems okay so far. i haven't yet adjusted to having all of these extra hours free at night. like tonight: i watched all six episodes of the first series of 'the office' straight through and drank widmer hefeweizen (bottle king, the finest package goods store in northern new jersey, started carrying it just in time for summer), and at no point did I feel like I should be doing anything else. My face kind of hurts from the marathon, though.

apparently, the newly americanized office will star Steve Carrell. And they seem to be considering placing the whole thing in our very own equivalent of Slough--Newark, NJ. (Just for future reference, I'm currently sitting just about in the exact center of the photo. Yes, that's right--I reside in the throbbing heart of the largest city in the most densely populated state in the Union. Which would be something, if that state weren't New Jersey.) Anyway, all of that makes for a great show on paper, but i'm sure they'll go out of their way to Fuji it all up.

here is a picture of me with a paper bag over my head.

cicadas!

Brood X (which sounds like it should be the sequel to 'starship troopers,' but whatever) is totally taking maryland over. it's really creepy. i was just visiting william howard taft's grave today, and they were swarming all over it with their huge meaty bodies (supposed to taste like a cross between cold asparagus and fried chicken) and their bulgy red eyes. it was all horrorshow.

fun trivia: there are two presidents and two supreme court chief justices buried in arlington national cemetary. funner trivia: this only adds up to three people. taft was just too big to control only one branch of government in his lifetime. he really got the shaft for being remembered as nothing more than the largest president. we needs us a taft revival in this land of ours.

"runnin' a gym?! what, you need a workout or somethin'?"

i didn't really think the diceman was funny at all until i actually came to live in new jersey. i mean, i guess he still isn't, really, but at least i can't accuse him of faking the accent anymore. anyway, this is prob'ly old news. but if you haven't, you have to see his glorious appearance on, of all places, CNNfn. it's their fault, really--what idiot producer would invite this guy on and not be ready to bleep him? i particularly enjoyed the actual yelps from behind the camera as the fuji-bombs started to fly.

see, this is what happens when the school stuff is over. these links. oh, there's more.

you guys'll have to let me know how the ass-shaking goes... the show in nyc is sometime after yours, and we'll probably go if i can manage to convince casey that it's scottish folk music. it's a fun album to walk around newark with, though.

More fun with Bill


So Mel Gibson has optioned one of Bill O'Reilly's "novels." I know I've been doing a lot of links here, but you gotta look at Amazon's excerpts to appreciate (1) how awful O'Reilly's prose is, (2) how deep his sexual repression runs, and (3) how bad he is at writing from the perspective of evil liberals.

O'Reilly's total incapacity for subtlety is, as always, astounding. Need an evil liberal news network? How 'bout "GNN"? A plucky detective hero to unravel GNN's web of lies? "Tommy O'Malley." Subtle, eh?

Need something to wear to graduation?

Maybe it's me, but this wacky obsessive in the Ghostbusters suit looks a lot like a coked-out version of our man Tore. Spooky, eh?


Sorry, T. If you really did build this thing, I'd be the first to blow a couple thousand on it. Just looking for laughs on my last day of my second year of grad school. You're lucky to be on your way out.

the lost promise of the internet



well, here's some disgusting television. watch it twice. you might not pick up all the evil nuances the first time, what with all the psychopathic screaming and all. as a charming companion piece, read this excellent bio of o'reilly sometime. i don't know who writes and maintains the rotten library, but they are truly beautiful people. i've been systematically reading all of the entries... still have a long way to go.


the state of e-commerce today: cans and rocks. the copy on the origami boulder site made me smile, though, which is worth something.


hey, way to master business, T. double irony, matt: i was just looking at job opportunities. the grass always being greener and everything.

Crispus Attucks update


To follow up on my previous point, have a look at crispusattucks.org and tell me that the association bearing his name doesn't have the worst possible slogan. What in Fuji's name were they thinking?

My marginal-but-memorable submissions: Tituba and Crispus Attucks. I think they only teach us their names 'cause they sound kind of dirty and they know that we're bound to remember them. In other news, I just had to explain the difference between Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt to a law student. So much for high school history.

Two related, kind of historical items: Emperor Norton and Sealand. That's all I got.

And happy late birthday, Travis. I still owe ya for that great Paglia collection.

byproducts of today's legal research:


turns out that Congress has made provisions for patent ideas "made, used or sold" in space. which is really unusually progressive of Congress. it took NASA decades to get that realistic about the kinds of things that are bound to happen in space.

if you have a minute, take a look at this survey of Iraqis conducted by a British research firm. It's got some wacky results. Like, when asked if they thought that the invasion of Iraq had "humiliated" or "liberated" the Iraqi people, 41.2 said "humiliated," and 41.8 said "liberated." well. thanks a lot, guys. hope syria, lebanon, egypt, saudi arabia, iran, north korea, and canada take it a little better than that when we "pre-emptively" invade them for no good reason.

okay, back to this take-home exam. i have 36 whole hours to finish it, and i've already done most of the research. so.